i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
