I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
