im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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