Where did you get a picture of my penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
