Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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