i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
