Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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