That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
