I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize