I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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