You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
