I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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