You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
