smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Text me some of your sweat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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