Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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