You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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