clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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