so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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