I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
