As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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