i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
