his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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