Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
