it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
