Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
