We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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