pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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