I could have mohawked her pubes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
