After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
