Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
