She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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