That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
