did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize