Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
