you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
