capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
