already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
