alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
