I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
