a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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