oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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