im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
