It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
