Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
