Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
