Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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