somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
