You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everyone says I win the strip club
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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