My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
