I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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