my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
