Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
