when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
