I am in a vortex of obligation.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
