Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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