So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
