I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
