last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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