Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
