someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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