You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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