I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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