his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
