dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
