you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
