I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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