My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
