...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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