im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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