I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
