I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
