Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
