how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
