does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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