i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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