forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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