I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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