im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
