I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
