i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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