Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
