So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
