According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
