I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
